The lyrics of the song are all funny and dumb ways to die. The first four verses (1,2,3,4) and part of the bridge are just that, and the second part of the bridge[1] are all ways to die related to trains. The general message is that trains are dangerous, and it would be very dumb to die because of one. i.e. to die because you drove around the boom-gates at a level crossing is as dumb as to die from eating a two-week-old, unrefrigerated pie, or to die from taking your helmet off in outer space.

  1. Stumble, Bonehead and Putz, excluding Botch and Doofus who aren't related to trains.


Verse 1

Set fire to your hair,

Poke a stick at a grizzly bear,

Eat medicine that's out of date,

Use your private parts as piranha bait,


Dumb ways to die,

So many dumb ways to die

Dumb ways to di-i-ie,

So many dumb ways to die.

Verse 2

Get your toast out with a fork

Do your own electrical work

Teach yourself how to fly

Eat a two week old unrefrigerated pie


Verse 3

Invite a psycho-killer inside

Scratch a drug dealer’s brand new ride

Take your helmet off in outer space

Use your clothes dryer as a hiding place


Verse 4

Keep a rattlesnake as pet

Sell both your kidneys on the internet

Eat a tube of superglue

(spoken) “I wonder what’s this red button do?



Dress up like a moose during hunting season

Disturb a nest of wasps for no good reason

Stand on the edge of a train station platform

Drive around the boom gates at a level crossing

Run across the tracks between the platforms

They may not rhyme but they’re quite possibly

Final Chorus

Dumbest ways to die.

Dumbest ways to die.

Dumbest ways to di-i-i-ie.

So many dumb,

So many dumb ways to die.



Be safe around trains, a message from Metro


The song has five verses, with four lines each, except for the bridge, which has six, with five actions and one connection to the final chorus.

Generally, each line is a dumb method of death.

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